If I Were A Global Warming Denier...

Friday, April 2, 2010

This past winter, global warming deniers busted a collective gut laughing about how snow (gasp!) in winter (double gasp!!) meant there was no global warming.  That's right, everyone, there was snow in winter, so global warming was proven to be a hoax! Yeah, they really got all those crazy scientists with all their crazy "facts" with that one. Snow in winter. Hahahahahahahaha. Ha.Anyway, it's spring now, and if I were a global warming denier, I'd be vewwwwwwy quiet. Why should they be quiet?  Three reasons.
1. It turned out that this past heating season turned out warmer than normal. Today's Washington Post reports that "heating degree days"  ("an index of fuel consumption indicating how many degrees the average temperature fell below 65 for the day") this season are 3,622, compared to a normal of 3,711 and last season's 3,874.  Fewer degree days, of course, mean it's been warmer than normal this heating season. For global warming deniers, that's a big, forehead slapping "d'oh!!!"
2. Yesterday's high temperature at Reagan National Airport was 74 degrees, compared to a normal high of 61 degrees. Today and tomorrow, it's supposed to be 80 degrees, or 19 degrees above normal. This past winter, we had several days where temperatures were on the order of 19 degrees below normal, and global warming deniers were claiming that was proof there was no global warming. Should they now be citing near-record warmth as proof that global warming exists? The answer is, "of course not," because that would be just as assinine as claiming snow in winter disproved global warming. Still, it would be nice if they'd be consistent in their utter illogic.
3. Finally, we have a story which hasn't gotten much attention on Drudge, Glenn, or Rush: "A parliamentary panel investigating allegations that scientists at one of the world's leading climate research centers misrepresented data related to global warming announced Wednesday that it had found no evidence to support that charge."  What's that, you say?  What about that huge! SCANDAL!!! all the global warming deniers - our fine Attorney General, included - were talking about?  You mean it turns out that "nothing in the more than 1,000 stolen e-mail messages or in the ensuing controversy challenged the scientific consensus that 'global warming is happening and that it is induced by human activity?'"
But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but....GlennRushDrudgeCooch please tell us what to think, make those cognitive dissonance-causing facts go away!!! Yeah, it's sad, but if I were a global warming denier right now, by all rights my head should have just exploded.